they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
