I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
