you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
