So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
