I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
