how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
