I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
