Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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