i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
