He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
