babies were throwing up all over the place
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
