I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
