I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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