he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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