Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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