HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
PANTIES FOUND
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