Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
