we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
