I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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