champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
