I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
