The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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