If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need a beard to bite.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
