we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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