dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
