just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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