I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
