what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
