Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
