I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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