i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
