my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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