Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if only i could text you this smell
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
