Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
be right there i have to get my cape
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
