Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
did i walk over a car last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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