dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
