But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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