He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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