Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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