i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
