chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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