I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
