Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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