My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
