We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
