well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
