Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Randomize
