I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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