I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
