i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ate ashes out of my bong
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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