do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
